


I was made (for loving you)

by tukimecca



Series: Everything that makes me whole (I'll dedicate them all to you) [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 13:29:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12366762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tukimecca/pseuds/tukimecca
Summary: Jaehyun carries Taeyong in his arms, a little bit different than usual.





	I was made (for loving you)

_Even though we maybe hopeless hearts just passing through_  
_Every bone screaming i don’t know what we should do,_ _  
_ All I know is, darling; I was made for loving you

I was made for Loving You - Torry Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran

:::

It’s part of the tradition, he thinks. He has done it before, plenty of times. With his members, most of them smaller than him, and Taeyong is too, Jaehyun would know, better than anyone. He has every plane and slope of that small, imperfect, yet beautiful body memorized in the back of his head.

He has watched his Hyung for a long time. For a time too long that seems to stretch for eternity even though in fact, it’s been nothing more than four walking to five. He remembers exactly where his moles are - two kissable ones on his lips, on his palm, the back of his nape, between the nubs of his knuckle.

He knows how small his hips are, smaller than any other guy Jaehyun has seen. His legs long mile infinite, endless like his abundant kindness. His arms, frail, breakable, and Jaehyun had them wrapped around his body too many times before, clinging onto him like he is the last of Taeyong’s salvation. The only candle left flickering in the dark.

Taeyong is not feminine, no; he’s all sharp slant and angles with the exception of his flat stomach, and his cotton-candy cheeks. And his lips, his crushed-cherry lips that’s pursed together as they speak while the staff argue among themselves who will carry who.

 _It should have been obvious_ , Jaehyun thinks, still looking at Taeyong, huddled in his soft orange hoodie. Jaehyun thinks he is cute, and that, too, should be obvious. Nothing new.

Johnny starts talking to the staff, persuading them that, _no, switching is not necessary._ And, _no, he can carry Ten just fine, thank you, can’t you see how small he is?_ while gesturing to Ten. Jaehyun isn’t even looking at Ten to be able to know waht kind of expression he’s making - because his eyes are locked on Taeyong, always on Taeyong and his cute, adorable little pout, and he thinks; _God, do I love this man_ \- but he does sound upset, and if Johnny’s yelp of pain is any indication, the Thai guy has probably kicked him on the shin.

Does Jaehyun care? No. Barely. His head is full of Taeyong - way too full - on the soft purple under his eyes, and the occasional yawn he lets out. His Hyung must be tired: practice, writing, practice, schedule, practice, writing, another schedule; rinse and repeat.

It’s arguable that Jaehyun has more schedules than Taeyong, but at least the radio doesn’t require him to do anything physical while practice is, and Jaehyun still eat everything just fine, on contrary to Taeyong whose appetite can dwindle along with his mood swings. To top off everything else is his insomnia. He has lost count of how many nights he found Taeyong, still wide awake either writing or playing games, before coaxing him to sleep.

The urge to take Taeyong home and cuddle him under the blanket, legs tangled, head tucked safely under Jaehyun’s chin, arms around each other, is suddenly too strong. The protectiveness overcomes him like waves, rolling, not calm but steady still.

He approaches his Hyung; _one, two_ , then takes his hand, unhesitant, like the affection that sears his heart. Like the sureness of his feeling when it comes to the boy - _man_ \- with the galaxy in his eyes. “You okay, Taeyongie-hyung?”

“Eung?” Taeyong blinks at him, looking genuinely confused.

 _Cute_ , Jaehyun thinks, and he really, _really_ hopes Johnny and Ten stop arguing something silly about Ten’s weight already, because his Hyung over here clearly needs sleep. “You look tired,” he says, stroking the soft skin of Taeyong’s wrist, the little bit that peeks from under his sleeves. “Sorry, they’re taking so long. I mean -”

Jaehyun sends an exasperated glance toward the still bickering couple, sighing without bothering to hide his annoyance. Taeyong follows his gaze then smiles, roses abloom. Soft. Ethereal. “It’s okay, Jaehyunnie. I’m fine. Let them have their moment.”

“But-”

Taeyong shakes his head. Jaehyun wants to kiss him right here and then, _fuck_ people. “It’s okay, really. It’s been a long time since Ten’s with us, right?”

Right, Jaehyun thinks so, too. Jaehyun agrees. But when it comes to Taeyong, every other thing just evaporates into trivial nothingness in the back of his head. The pink haired boy yawns, covering his mouth with the hand that Jaehyun’s not holding.

Jaehyun tightens his hold, giving his wrist another stroke, and when Taeyong smiles sleepily his way, he knows he is hopeless from how fast his heart is beating.

A loud whoop of victory from Johnny tells them that he’s winning the argument, which means there’ll be no switching tonight, much to Jaehyun’s relief. It’s stupid idea anyways, they’ve never switched before, why now? Jaehyun is pretty much content with just carrying Taeyong for the rest of the night. Heck, if he’s allowed to, he’d let Taeyong sits on his lap, ready to carry him home in case Taeyong ended up falling asleep from exhaustion.

He’s not allowed, of course. What a shame.

“Okay, then, get into position,” one of the staff says, Johnny and Ten run back to where Taeyong and Jaehyun are waiting, Johnny passing Jaehyun an apologetic glance that he accepts with shrug and chuckle.

“Here goes,” the Chicago-born American says before heaving Ten into his arms. Ten giggles, loud and merry, head tossed back as he laughs. Johnny laughs too, eyes crinkling, pouring all his affection out and open for everyone to see.

They look so fucking happy, Jaehyun thinks, and he’s happy for them too. It’s been too long for both of them, they haven’t been as lucky as him and Taeyong. Today is their day, they deserve to be the center of attention, they deserve to be happy.

Johnny starts teasing Ten, faking how heavy he is, and Ten hits him playfully on the arms. An act he apparently regrets immediately when Johnny pretends to drop him The Thai guy yelps, securing his hold around Johnny’s shoulders, earning an equally happy laugh from the taller guy.

Jaehyun smiles in their direction. They must be happy, it’s impossible not to tell. The vivacious color of delight radiating from every inch of their skin.

“Jaehyunnie,” Taeyong calls, softly. Jaehyun looks back into his direction, into those eyes that have always been too honest to him. In that sea of liquid black, he sees fatigue, he sees exhaustion, he sees trust; endless and bountiful like the sea. And his eyes are the sea, a sea of gilded stars and galactic wonder.

They blink, the numerous stars in Taeyong’s eyes calling for him. Speaking. A signal of thousand years light. And Jaehyun answers, hopes the constellation in his own eyes answer them for him. “Hold on tight,” he says, pulling their joined hands until Taeyong’s is around his shoulder. “I won’t let you fall,” Jaehyun whispers, small enough for nobody else but Taeyong to hear.

“I know you won’t,” Taeyong smiles.

Jaehyun knows he should be focusing on properly carrying his Hyung but his smile - _that smile_ \- is too distracting, his words too bewitching, that he ended up looking at Taeyong’s face the whole time as he lifts his lithe frame off the ground.

Jaehyun looks at Taeyong like children looking at a rainbow for the first time.

It’s beautiful, it’s exciting, it’s long-awaited dream coming true, it’s mother nature's work of art. It’s simple; just a rainbow, just the product of condensation and play of light.

Just a smile, just a stretch of muscle.

It’s not special, anyone can do that. Anyone can smile.

It shouldn't be any special, but maybe because this is Taeyong, maybe because the rainbow that arches above the river and one in front of his house are not the same. Different altitude. Different reason. Different canvas. Different cause.

But who is he kidding, as Taeyong curls his fingers a little tighter on his nape, lashes fluttering butterfly wings, cheeks vivid shades of pink; maybe because this is Taeyong, and Jaehyun can run, but he can never deny the affection that runs too deep in his blood scarlet alive.

"Okay, Hyung?" he asks, breathless.

Taeyong’s answer punches the air out of his lungs: "Always."

Right, who is he kidding; of course the smile would be special, even tears or a scowl would be, as long as it is Taeyong's face that they decorate.

He doesn’t need a mirror, he knows how fucking happy he looks  right now. How fucking stupid, fucking whipped and foolish with a grin that splits his face in half, dimples deep, and eyes crinkling too much from how wide his smile is.

Jaehyun doesn’t give a _fucking_ ounce of care in the world at what people might think of him now. Who cares if there’re Johnny and Ten just beside them? Who cares if there are dozens pair of eyes to see them? Who fucking cares if the camera captured this expression, that pure gilded bliss painting itself aureate on his face.

Not Jaehyun. Jaehyun doesn’t give a fucking care in the world, because he got Taeyong who keeps mumbling about how heavy he is - which is preposterous thing to be said in the first place. He’s as light as feather; white, dove’s feather - in his arms.

Here. Right here in his hold, safe and secure. True and warm. And he is the only thing that Jaehyun cares about right now. Always. Forever. To the last of his dying breath and if God allows, even after when he’s nothing but spirit in wonder, becoming one with the wind and the atmosphere. Becoming the air that Taeyong breathes and enliven him.

A tinge of sadness paints his felicity a solemn blue. The thought of dying, the thought of leaving Taeyong alone behind in the world of living, or - God forbid - Taeyong leaving him, scares him. It sends him a terror he never knew. Can he live on if Taeyong left him? Does he have a heart to leave Taeyong, alone to face the cruelty of a world that can be anything but fair?

If he’s given a choice, then of course he’ll choose not to leave him a thousand times before. But just like he knows his answer, he knows end is inevitable. Death will come to any living, both of them no exception.

And just as inevitable is their meeting, written in the stars. Jaehyun has always believed it, declares it with no shame and zero hesitation; he and Taeyong are _fated_.

They’re not soul mates, no, because the notion of soul mate is two people, once united but now separated. There is no guarantee that soul mates will meet one another, so they are not soul mates, they cannot be for Jaehyun’s bones are screaming that he and Taeyong were never separated in the first place.

He knows, since the very first time they laid eyes on each other, that this boy with a heart and passion too big for his body to contain, is someone he’s made to meet. He’s someone Jaehyun was made to love, to treasure, and to take care of. To follow behind and support when the weight of the world has become too much for him to bear. To save and heal when he’s scared and broken.

There is no doubt, like the sureness of his beating heart, with the same finality that fatality holds, this is how it should be. He and Taeyong. Together. Skin to skin. Heart to heart. This was what he’s made for, to meet this beautiful boy and stay with him, to get to know him, to understand him, to accept him with all his faults that make him human.

This is how they should be. This was what they’re made for.

“Is this position okay?” he asks, voice soft.

Taeyong shakes his head, still smiling. It should be simple. It shouldn’t be anything special, but it makes Jaehyun’s heart soar like doves taking flight to the infinite blue sky. “Okay, as always.”

Jaehyun nods, proud and satisfied. Right, this isn’t the first time they’re doing this. It’s all well practiced, well-rehearsed. He knows the exact place he should avoid, the side of Taeyong’s stomach is rather sensitive, so he holds him by under his arms instead, unlike the other members he had held before.

He heaves him a little higher, and Taeyong automatically leans his weight on him, hand slipping  from his nape to clutch on the fabric of his shirt. Jaehyun turns to check on Taeyong only to find their faces a breadth apart. He only needs to lean forward a little to kiss him. They’re so close, _too_ close.

“This is better,” Jaehyun says, eyes lingering on Taeyong’s lips. “No?”

“Yes,” Taeyong answers, his breath warming Jaehyun’s lips. “Much better.”

For whatever reason out there, Taeyong bites his lip, and, _fuck_ , it makes them look redder,  darker. Jaehyun’s brain short-circuits. He totally forgets where they are and the thought of being under the scrutiny of too many judging eyes to see slithers out of his head.

He only needs to lean a little forward to kiss him. He can feel Taeyong’s eyes resting heavily on his lips, too. Jaehyun cannot breathe. He can feel the strong, steady beats of Taeyong’s heart right under his fingers. Fast, faster than his own erratic ones. Jaehyun has probably imploded from the tension building inside of him, he is suddenly craning his head, and Taeyong’s teeth release his lip.

He only needs to-

“Umm, I think...we need to, uh, you know,” awkward coughing. “Start. The photo. Now.”

 _Oh_.

They blink at each other. Roses blooms vividly on their respective cheeks. Jaehyun retracts his neck, Taeyong cups his face with one hand, dropping his gaze down. Worrying his lips again. _Fuck it,_ does he know what is he doing to the younger boy? Jaehyun can _almost_ feel the pitying gaze on him.

“Right, sorry,” he coughs, just as awkward. “Umm. The photo. Yeah. Sorry. I was-”

“Distracted,” Johnny tries to help, but there’s too much teasing on his voice for it to be a helping hand.

“Not like you weren’t distracted, Johnny, you looked just as dumb,” their manager chimes in, sounding half-amused and half- _what should I do with these two? Do they think it’s easy to deal with fucking troublesome rumour like this_?

Johnny sputtered, “I wasn’t-”

“Yah! Johnny-hyung, are you dropping me?!” Ten screams.

“I wasn’t!!”

“You were,” a staff noona affirms, nodding her head with mischievous grin on her face. “Come on, boys, let’s get this over with.”

“Sorry,” Taeyong says meekly. The color of his face is already back to normal, but a hint of pink still remains, even though you wouldn’t be able to tell unless you are as close to his face asJaehyun is.

“Don’t be,” Jaehyun whispers. Taeyong smiles shyly at him, nodding.

The photo session goes on then, they follow along with the instruction. Smile. A little closer. Give us your peace sign. The standard imperatives that Jaehyun has been too accustomed to, but today feels different. Today is special, because Taeyong is with him. Once in Jaehyun’s arms, now on his own two feet, sidling closer to Ten for another pose.

Jaehyun winds his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder, pressing their bodies together, and in instinct, leans his head on Taeyong’s. His neck is craned to what must look like an uncomfortable position, but Jaehyun is comfortable, like this, close to Taeyong’s warmth, surrounded by his heart-searing presence.

He can already see the final product of the photo in his head, can already imagine what he’d look like. He imagines his body will speak for him; the different way he held Taeyong in his arms, how secure it is compared to the previous ones when he just let his fellow members half-hanging on him while he prompted Taeyong to held on his shoulder. The way he keeps on leaning toward Taeyong’s direction. The goofy, blissed out smile on his face that’s a little brighter than usual.

All of them speak for him, speak of his happiness, rainbow-colored cotton candy sweet. Speak of his delight, butterflies dancing under the sunlight. Speak of his affection, pure gold, undiluted. Jaehyun doesn’t try to hide a thing, why should he? Not when he has Taeyong, this darling and precious, this kind and gracious, smiling at him with half-sleepy smile, tickled pink.

“The last one?” His hyung asks.

Jaehyun nods, “last one.”

 _Let the world see_ , he thinks. Let the world see how much he adores and treasures this man; the man who doesn’t always have his heart worn on the sleeve, the man who can be difficult sometimes with his ever so changing mood, but the man who has Jaehyun surrender all his lifetime for because of how amazingly human he is with all those flaws etched on his otherwise inhuman-looking figure.

What Jaehyun doesn’t let the world see is his hand, wrapped securely around Taeyong’s hips, _maybe_ fingers sneaking naughtily under his hoodie for a sliver of skin. Taeyong gives him a knowing glance, eyes twinkling with mirth. Jaehyun pretends he doesn’t see it.

Instead, he says, “Smile to the camera, Hyung.”

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, if jaeyong did the bridal-style hold, whatever it is; “Jaehyun starstruck” and “kissing Taeyong”, except there is no way they’d kiss there. Ho. I didn’t know what I was thinking while I write this because I was in this temporary brain-freeze state from NNN photos, and the HK fanmeet. HK fanmeet. There were so many jaeyong. And they’re too sweet. My writing can never compare.
> 
> Beta-ed by the ever so dear and darling Liss who helped me getting through the emotional turmoil. Dedicated for you, Liss, and Mbaanna who fell into emotionally messy state of mind with me. lol. Apologize for any mistakes, timeline or place inaccuracy. Events mentioned; NNN 2017/10/14 or should I say 2017/10/10


End file.
